It’s hard, it’s exhausting and it’s emotional.
They’re the first three things that come to my mind when thinking of raising my two boys with special needs.
This week may have been one of the most challenging weeks my husband and I have had as parents. The last few months our youngest sons behaviour has started to become worse then it was. And I’ll be honest it was already an absolute circus of words that I can use here.
We have tried everything to get it under control including seeing a children’s Pyschologist every week for the past couple of months. It’s an hour there and an hour back with a melt down, object throwing lashing out child but we are honestly desperate right now.
For some reason this week was what should I say? A shit show. I’m talking so bad that we made the heart wrenching decision to send our oldest son to his grandparents for half the week because we are so worried he is being emotionally traumatised by the things going on at home.
For a couple of years I honestly thought it was me. It was my parenting that was causing his behaviour as it only happened when he was with me. I blamed it on my depression and anxiety and thought that it was playing apart of me being a terrible mum and causing my son to be acting out. This sounds horrible it really does, but I think my son being diagnosed with Autism is actually in a way a relief for me. For me it means it wasn’t me, it wasn’t my fault. I always felt some shame that maybe I was too lazy with discipline or too much of a push over or something else that every other mother things if themselves. Each day (especially during iso) was a non stop cyclone of screaming, smashing and crying that it was exhausting. I just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out. Actually no, I wanted to run away and maybe stay at some beautiful resort with massages and fancy desserts for at least a week. I didn’t though. I stuck it out for 9 weeks and tried to home school amongst it all and came out of it stronger. I’ve never wanted to quit so much as I have this week. If you’re relationship isn’t working you break up, if you’re job isn’t making you happy you quit right? Yeah that’s not an option when you’re a parent. You just have to do what you can to get through.
Everyone has been dealt a different hand in life. Surround yourself with the best quality people. No fake friends, no friends who are only there for the good times. Friends and family that will pick you up when you crumble and a partner that will wipe your tears and tag in when your legs wont run anymore. I’ve got them all. Not a huge crowd, but a great little unit always in my corner.
I don’t think anyone’s life is perfect or drama free. If it looks that way then they must be exhausted trying to make it look that way.
Everyone’s doing their best so be kind. Give a compliment to a stranger, drop a dollar in the buskers guitar case because something so little to you can be huge to them.
There’s a great saying by Regina Brett : “If we threw our in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back”
BB
xxx
Parenting-with a side of depression 