As I see social media flooded with comparison photos of their kids starting the start of the school year and last day of the school year today I can’t help but feel on the outter (as most parents of special needs kids do quite often I would think)
Some parents are probably reflecting on the achievements and progress their kids made throughout the year. The levels of reading their kids went up through the year or how far they came with telling the time.How their times tables improved so much and how impressed they were with their NAPLAN scores.
Not as many will be reflecting on the fact that at the beginning of the year their grade 2 child could hardly write the first letter of their name but now they’ve not only mastered that first letter but almost every letter of their name is readable at the end of the year. They couldn’t read any word other than their name but they now can recognise a few.
Not many will be proudly thinking of how their grade 5 son made a real friendship this year and also felt he fitted in because he mastered how to play Minecraft like the rest of the boys in his year level.
No, my kids may not get academic awards or win sports competitions on weekends in competitive sports like other kids their age do. They don’t get invited to sleepovers or play dates like most would at their age or have birthday party invites on the fridge all throughout the year. They do however continue to keep moving forward and kicking their own goals every year and becoming more and more who they are meant to be.
This year our achievements go like this- Our 9 year old has finally dealt with his separation anxiety and started sleeping in his own bed at night after 9 years of needing us by his side and sleeping in our bed. Mr almost 12 didn’t play on his own at lunchtime for the first year at his new school. He found a love in basketball which meant he always had kids to play with.
The past 12 years have taught me a lot about parenting kids with special needs and the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is to stop comparing my kids to others their age. Comparing will eat you up inside. I am guilty of doing it early on with my oldest. He didn’t walk when they say they should. He didn’t say 50 words at the age he was meant to or wave at the expected age. It consumed me you got me no where. It’s painful. It’s confusing and just down right shit all round.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. When your kid turns 16 and goes for their first job interview I promise you their employer will not ask what age they walked or what age they could sit up. They definitely won’t ask if they were breast or bottle fed and don’t quote me on this one but I’m betting they don’t even need to know when they first cracked their first smile.
So STOP COMPARING!!!
When you watch athletes running the 500 metres are they continuously looking behind or around to see if anyone’s coming up along side them? Nope. They keep looking forward and focusing on theirselves until they reach the end.
There’s nothing wrong with being happy for other kids achievements around you. I don’t feel I’m ever bitter or jealous of others kids achieving goals. I just know their situations and capabilities are different but definitely no less deserving of celebrating then any other kids including my own.
Seeing others reach milestones makes ours all that much more special in my eyes. Some things come easy to others or even naturally but knowing the hard work that’s gone in to get to a certain place makes the celebration at the end so much more sweeter.
My boys may have struggles and hurdles each year but they are resilient, happy and kind people and I am so incredibly proud to call myself their mum. No matter what the boys futures hold they will always know their parents love them more than anything and they are incredible people with lots to offer the world.
Keep kicking your own goals in your own time kiddies. Unless if you’re standing still you’ll be moving forward.
BB xxx
Parenting-with a side of depression 