Where it all begun

Hello Hello,

Sit down, put your feet up and pause what you’re watching on Netflix just for five.

Ill be straight up with you…I have no idea what I’m doing….in life….in motherhood….with this blog or quite frankly for dinner??! So come along for the ride while I fake it until I make it.

I’m Bec and here’s my journey over the past 10 years

When I was 20 and thought about becoming a mum, I thought how amazing I was going to be at it. I had so much love to give and couldn’t wait to have kids to give them a fun and exciting life.

I was 21 when I had my first son and it wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows like you see in the movies. It went horribly wrong. It’s something that will stick with me forever even though my boy came out of it reasonably well considering.

I guess that’s when I changed. All I know is that I was different.

I felt everything in my life much deeper from that day on.

We were young and we had to grow up the day he was born because it wasn’t about us anymore. 

Skip ahead 9 years and we have a healthy boy who has an intellectual disability and Microcephaly but completely perfect in our eyes.

We also have a 6-year-old boy who has had a few issues at the beginning (nothing like our first) and has an intellectual disability also.

After our first son I suffered from post natal depression which I was told after everything that happened was more than understandable. 

I’ve always thought of myself as a fairly happy person. I can’t even remember being down and sad as a child or teenager so this was something completely shattering for me but it was under control and it was mainly anxiety that was the one thing I remember. Heart palpitations and the sweats when I’d leave the house but it was manageable.

2 years later I was still suffering with depression so I went back to my GP.

I started to see a counsellor which was a great outlet for me. 

We talked about the child birth and also my anxiety when I go out. It turns out I care too much what people think of me haha I wish there was an off switch to that because on the surface I couldn’t careless but buried under something it turns out I do. Who would’ve thought? 

I had about 10 sessions and was magically healed!! No not really but she was happy with my progress so she was happy for me to finish.

A few years passed and they were pretty hard. My son was a terrible two year old and a terrible threenanger and really made life a little bit more tough for me.

He was constantly throwing tantrums and banging his head on the ground. He would bite and hit me but it was completely normal for him apparently but a nightmare none the less. We tried time out, the naughty spot ect and nothing ever really worked. The main problem was that he couldn’t express to us what he wanted or needed because he was so delayed with his speech so he’s constant outbursts were mainly from frustration.

There were so many days where I’d call my husband Josh crying telling him I couldn’t handle him and that I felt I’d lost control. 

I felt like such a failure every time. 

Then along came our youngest boy.

Our now 6 year old.

Yeah…turns out my oldest is actually a saint in comparison. He did/does all of the above and then some. Long story short we’ve had two broken tv’s in two years just to give you a rough idea.

Because of my depression I find my emotions sit pretty close to the surface. I have a short fuse. I cry literally over spilt milk some days. The worst part well my least favourite part is I have no patience. I always thought when you become a parent you develop the patience of a saint. I don’t know if it’s because I have two very testing boys but boy they can push my buttons and quickly. I feel so horrible when I snap at them and to be honest it could also be the fact that hubby and I have been sleep deprived since Mason was 4 months old and started waking 85,000 times a night. Ok yes a little exaggerated I know but it’s a lot, that’s a story for another time.

So why am I starting this blog?

I want to bring awareness to parents who are battling mental illness behind closed doors and trying to keep it all together for the sake of their kids.

I want to help parents with kids that have special needs feel less alone.

I hope I can help just one person going through a rough time by sharing my stories and my journey.

Enjoy

BB xx